Chapter 1
Translator: Aafkee
Proofreader: Superclubs2
The moment that large lorry lost control and hit the front of his car, with an intense pain enough to knock a person out, Lu Chuiqing thought that the gods have never once shown favour towards him.
(T/N: the word “appreciation” used here, 垂青, has the same Chinese characters as Lu Chuiqing’s first name, 陆垂青)
Until the last moments of his life, he was unable to say goodbye to the child still in his womb or to say his farewells to his empty and failed marriage, which, he can imagine, would only ever revolve around his husband and the child if he survived.
Lu Chuiqing wishes all the best for the three-month-old child in his womb, hoping it will not reincarnate into the womb of someone like him next time.
He has thought countless times. If given a chance, he would never, ever make such decisions a second time.
To be honest, Lu Chuiqing loved his husband, Chen Yuan, even until his very last breath. Despite the marriage failing, he still loved him.
Only half an hour ago, he was sitting alone in an Art bar. Since he was pregnant, he only had a glass of iced lemon tea.
In the middle of a heavy night, Lu Chuiqing was almost as quiet and still as a statue, looking out the window, observing the people walking on the street. Thinking back and reliving all that has happened in his recent years, his eyes were dimmed and lifeless.
He wanted to ask himself, does he regret it?
Not that long has passed since the most ambitious point of his life until now. It was just the feelings of happiness, sadness, loss, worries… all the various emotions that Chen Yuan has given him, gradually become heartless and sticky like spider webs, trapping him in, making him unable to escape.
The time between the start of their love and their marriage was not that long, it can even be considered short by some. They were each others’ ideal partners. The moment Lu Chuiqing put on his wedding ring, he thought he could sacrifice everything for Chen Yuan.
Chen Yuan likes the idea of a traditional family, he needs a wife that prioritises taking care of the family, which was why Lu Chuiqing gave up all of his business plans.
During the year of their marriage, Lu Chuiqing was still a graduate student. He was an Economics Major, preparing for his accountant certification exam. It was only because of the wedding, parents from both sides, family, and their new accommodation, et cetera, that became his burden. Chen Yuan did not want him to be too stressed and even tried convincing him to not take the exam for now.
Chen Yuan was working in a very well-known, international insurance organisation, with a high salary and stable career. Chen Yuan spoke to Lu Chuiqing gently, “Being a financial accountant is too tiring, I’d rather you have an easy career. You can also spend more time with our children in the future when we have them.”
Looking at Chen Yuan’s gentle and handsome face, a lot of words were stuck in Lu Chuiqing’s throat. In the end, he did what Chen Yuan had suggested, not registering for that year’s accountant certification exam, and put his full attention on preparing for their wedding and their life after their marriage.
Chen Yuan’s parents, too, hoped for Lu Chuiqing to become Chen Yuan’s full-time housewife. Even if he was to get a job, they did not want Lu Chuiqing to have a job that was too busy.
Lu Chuiqing understands that sacrifices are necessary for any relationship. Chen Yuan occupied his whole heart and invested so much for him. Lu Chuiqing had no complaints.
One year after their marriage, Lu Chuiqing learnt to cook many dishes, and even built good relationships with the neighbours around them. However, most of the neighbours did not really remember his name. He was often referred to as “Chen Yuan’s wife”.
After all, his husband, in others’ eyes, was a kind, considerate man with an impressive salary… a very suitable, ideal husband. There were also many people making fun of him, saying that they were envious of him for having a husband like Chen Yuan.
However, it was almost like all these unintentional appellations and praises with kind intentions are trapping him. Two years after their marriage, feelings of fret and impatience started affecting him like waves of the gentle ocean, gradually eating his heart out without anyone’s notice.
His life as a housewife had gradually incited feelings of emptiness and anxiety in Lu Chuiqing. He could not stop himself from reconnecting with his old friends, to know what they have been up to.
His beta best friend during his student years joined a famous internet provider company. His abilities were apparently acknowledged by his management; some of his alpha friends started a foreign language training organisation, which already looked to be picking up after merely two years; a few of his omega friends continued with their education, while some became full-time housewives as he did.
That friend, who was also a full-time housewife, was already pregnant back then. Unlike Lu Chuiqing, his life was full of happiness. He even said that it was his ideal life.
His friend joked, “Haha, even though my husband is nothing compared to yours, I love his honesty and consideration.”
Deep into the nights, Lu Chuiqing will stare quietly at his sleeping husband, as his worry and feelings of repression intensified.
Sometime in June, Lu Chuiqing could not help but mention to Chen Yuan about his wish to continue with his accountant certification exam.
Chen Yuan went into a short silence, and kissed his cheeks in the end, “Are you getting bored at home? That’s fine, go ahead if you want to, but don’t tire yourself out. We’ll be going to my brother’s house with my parents for a bit. He just got a granddaughter last month and invited us over for her one-month-old celebration. Ah, that’s right. The cousin that I haven’t met for a long time? He will be coming over next week. His wife has always said she wants to meet you.”
Lu Chuiqing was stunned for a second, before nodding his head.
Once Chen Yuan left for work, Lu Chuiqing immediately ordered the full set of exam preparation books online. He has already completed half the course before his marriage, and it has only been two years, which was well within the valid testing date. As long as he puts in a little bit more effort, he still stood a chance at passing the exam and getting his certification.
Although Lu Chuiqing never really thought about what he would do with the certification. However, it was a sign of comfort for him. A proof that he has never once forgotten his hard work all those years.
However, the time left for him to study was just not long enough. Although he did not have a job, he could not calm his heart and concentrate on his studies, given all the trifle things he had to take care of.
In October of that year, Lu Chuiqing did not pass the certification exam.
The moment he got his results, Lu Chuiqing was sitting on the sofa and staring blankly. Only after a few moments, did he start crying while hugging his own knees.
He knew, deep inside, that he would not be able to pass the exam. But he still felt intense sadness, from his heart all the way throughout his bones, he was hurting everywhere. He felt that the belief deep in his heart, and his years of hard work, were all denied ruthlessly by that cold, heartless number shown on his results.
That night, Chen Yuan gently hugged him and comforted him for a long time. He also encouraged him to retake the exam next year.
After his failure, Lu Chuiqing became much more depressed. Even Chen Yuan’s parents noticed his depression. His mother-in-law held Lu Chuiqing’s hands and smiled while giving him advice, telling him to have a child with Chen Yuan soon. She was sure that once they have children, things will start looking up for Lu Chuiqing.
His in-laws were very kind to him, Lu Chuiqing was sincerely grateful, but he could barely smile. He could not understand his own emotions, let alone telling his in-laws about them.
Three years after marriage, Lu Chuiqing began binge eating and drinking, gaining quite a considerable amount of weight, which made him look bloated and swollen.
Although Chen Yuan did not show any ounce of dissatisfaction, Lu Chuiqing himself felt inferior and self-conscious. He was very slim when he just started going out with Chen Yuan, and Chen Yuan mentioned before that he has his ideal body type, but it was no longer the same.
Lu Chuiqing tried dieting and losing weight, but could not persevere. Other than during his heats, he began to subconsciously avoid being intimate with Chen Yuan.
He had mentioned several times to Chen Yuan about his desire to go out and work. He used to study his undergraduate course and a graduate course in a top local university. Even if he did not have working experience after this graduation, he could have had quite a decent career providing tuition to middle school students with just his education alone.
Chen Yuan could not understand Lu Chuiqing’s frustration, and comforted him, “Chuiqing, I am your husband, I can definitely provide for you. Besides, our family is going quite well, there is no reason for you to rush to find a job.”
Lu Chuiqing could not utter a single word.
Four years after marriage, his good friend Zhou Ruiyang’s father came back to town to visit his friends and relatives. Zhou Ruiyang’s father was an avid mountaineer, who had, unfortunately, fell off a slippery slope while climbing with some of his old friends. They were trapped for over ten hours. Although Zhou Ruiyang’s father was rescued, his spine was severely damaged which led to full-body paralysis.
Zhou Ruiyang was initially working at a pretty decent internet provider company. However, due to the accident, his emotions and efficiency were severely compromised. His boss got increasingly dissatisfied with him, hospital fees were also piling up. The burden from home was becoming too great to handle, and Zhou Ruiyang naturally got much more depressed and dejected as a result.
In the end, he made the decision to quit the job entirely, and even broke up with his girlfriend at that time, and brought his devastated mother and paralysed father back to his hometown. He ended up finding a new job in a much smaller company, giving him the time he needed to take care of his family.
At the end of it all, Zhou Ruiyang gave Lu Chuiqing a call.
“Chuiqing, I felt too much pressure over there. My parents need me too, so I have to return to my hometown no matter what. Yuanyuan, she… I don’t blame her.” Zhou Ruiyang’s voice from the phone was hoarse and choked with emotions, “Please live well with Chen Yuan, if I have a chance in the future… I will definitely come back to visit.”
After the call, Lu Chuiqing was lost in his thoughts for a long time. The world surrounding him was becoming more muddled, getting more and more off-railed.
Not long after, Chen Yuan was sent to his company’s headquarters overseas for 6 months for training. It was a perfect opportunity for his career development. Chen Yuan told Lu Chuiqing of the good news, and of course, Lu Chuiqing was happy for him.
That year was the last valid year for his accountant certification exam. After Chenquan left the country for his training, Lu Chuiqing signed up for the exam, for the very last time, behind his back.
Lu Chuiqing did not pass the certification exam that year either. His results were even worse than last year’s. All the effort and hard work during his university years were all for nought. There was no choice but to restart from scratch if he wanted to take the exam again.
Lu Chuiqing drank a lot of alcohol that night. To the point where he felt sick in his stomach, went to the toilet to puke, and came back out to continue drinking. He was tempted to call Chen Yuan on the phone. He would key in the phone number, but would always end up chickening out in the end.
Lu Chuiqing looked at his own reflection in the mirror. Messy hair, sloppy home clothes, fingernails that were not cut for a long time, swollen face, his whole body was bloated.
Is this still what Chen Yuan loved?
Is this what he wanted for himself?
Neither.
During the holidays in celebration of the National Day, Chen Yuan returned. After staying and learning overseas for a period of time, Chen Yuan looked much more confident. After returning, Chen Yuan’s old friends were, coincidentally, in town as well. They decided to go out and had a quick update on each other’s life.
Chen Yuan met his friend in the hotel he was staying at. His friend was the same as him, in their thirties, already married for a couple of years. They had a lot of common topics and were having a good time.
“You rascal, aren’t you developing too perfectly? Among all our friends, you are the most outstanding one.” His friend laughed, put his arm around Chen Yuan’s shoulders, and ruefully sighed, “Thank the lord my wife is not here, or she’s going to start nagging at me. Ah, that’s right, how’s your wife?”
“He’s at home.”
“Ohh, have you guys decided on when to have kids?”
“Next year, maybe. My training ends this year.”
“Everything is passing by in the blink of an eye. It has only started to get good, and you already gotta raise a kid.” His friend sighed, and took a drink, “Gotta take care of both the old and the young, sigh, I guess that’s life.”
They had such a good time and even stayed past nine at night. It was about time for Chen Yuan to go back. His friend offered, “Both of us drank, how are you gonna go back? Shall I get a taxi for you?”
Chen Yuan replied, “It’s no problem at all, I’ll get Chuiqing to pick me up, my house isn’t that far from here.”
Chen Yuan gave a call to Lu Chuiqing. Lu Chuiqing was initially still lying down to rest due to his queasy stomach. However, he did not tell Chen Yuan about his discomfort and got ready to pick him up regardless.
Chen Yuan’s friend was accompanying him at the hotel while waiting for Lu Chuiqing to arrive. With one of them working for a bank while the other one was working for an insurance company, they were chatting idly about the big happenings in the finance industry.
“Hey, did you know? I have heard from my friend from the industry saying that Value Scan (价值扫描) has been targeting Xin He International (鑫合国际)… I was so scared that I immediately threw away their stocks.” His friend’s tone was filled with dissatisfaction and resentment, “Goddammit. I swear these organisations are just inhumane. The CEOs I know are all discontent with them. Small stock players like us are no match for such big companies. These organisations are only concerned with sucking the marketing dry. No matter how impressive Xin He’s big boss is, he’s probably going to end up half-dead after this.”
(T/N: Sorry for such lame name for the organisations but… yeah. LOL.)
Of course, Chen Yuan knew. Value Scan was infamous for short selling. That one time they did that for a local food company and succeeded, they made a name for themselves in the whole financial market.
(T/N: Short selling - the act of selling stocks at a high price, and buying them back when they are low, is called 沽空 in Chinese. More explanation on that from the author in the author’s note at the end of this chapter)
Value Scan’s CEO was not even that much older than they were, but there was no one in the industry that would not know his name.
As they continued to chat, another group of customers came over. One of them happened to see Chen Yuan, who was sitting in the lobby, and was pleasantly surprised, “Manager Chen! Since when were you back?”
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Author’s note:
A simple explanation of short selling (沽空)~
In normal circumstances, it is common for people to first buy stocks when they are cheap, and sell them when they are expensive. An organisation that does 沽空, does the opposite; selling at a high price and borrowing from their share brokers first. The organisation would take advantage of the other company’s scandals, etc, causing their stocks to drop, and then swooping in to buy all the stocks back at a low price, paying the same amount of stock back to their share brokers.
This is why most companies in the market hate such organisations!
aw i'm sad for Chuiqing huh qaq thank u for the chapter!!
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